My Son Will Soon Be Released, and I am an Enabler

My son is getting out of prison soon, and I know I have enabled his addiction in the past. What can I do?

Sincerely,

Anonymous 

Dear Anonymous, 

We are so excited for you! We love hearing about upcoming family reunifications. Of course, you never want to see your son go without, and of course it can be hard saying “no” to someone you love, and who obviously will need essentials upon release. Our best advice would be to talk to your son now, prior to his release, and let him know how you’re feeling. Let your son know you care, but also take proper steps to protect yourself. Set clear boundaries before his release, and stick to those boundaries. If your son needs financial help, rather than giving him cash, perhaps take him to the store or supply those items yourself initially. Allow your son to earn your trust and develop a healthy routine when he is released. Of course, be alert for red flags, but also keep in mind he will have a parole officer to report to as an authority. Newly released inmates primarily just need support, and often another chance to be trusted. There are lots of great books about co-dependency and enabling others, one of our favorites is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. Also, there is a wonderful 24/7 hotline “SAMHSA” (The substance abuse and mental health services administration) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance abuse disorders if you should ever need it. 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

Sincerely,

The Inmate Connection